Special thanks to my buddy for this post. When some people get married they consider it to be the time when they will no longer be answerable to the authority of their parents but soon find out that the people they complained about interfering in their lives are not the biggest problem they face. They now don’t have to answer to their own parents but find that the in-laws are now trying to rule their lives. So how to you get to the stage where you can the live the life you and your spouse want, raise your children the way you want and not fall out with the in-laws.
If you can find a good way to set the limits of the in-laws input from the start is will not be too bad, but it could be that you have to revisit the limit from time to time. It can be little things such as making sure they arrange to visit and don’t make arrangements on your behalf without your consent. They may have arranged a great day but it does not mean you and the children do not have other plans.
Make sure that you and your spouse work as a team and that they will back you if you consider their parents are getting too involved. That does not mean that you don’t talk to them and express your views, but don’t end up in a position where you stand firm and your partner capitulates to them.
Don’t let any problems you have drag on but get a resolution as soon as possible. That does not mean open up the debate over Christmas dinner, but the sooner the boundaries are known the quicker you can get on with the rest of your lives. Make sure that you choose the thing to hold out over. If you refuse to be flexible and try to demand that the in-laws do everything the way you want, you risk alienating them and other family members. If you do this and turn out to be wrong over something it could affect the view others have about your input in the past.
One of the most important things is to be honest about what your in-laws are doing. Are they really trying to run your lives or have they made a few suggestions that you did not like. If you are the first person to marry one of their children remember that may need to readjust to the new relationship. They need to know what you want and by just opposing anything they say you will never get the balance right.
